Reply to Would you not reciprocate a play date if friend’s house was too big?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This would not bother me at all. If I like you, and we connect as friends, then I want to hang out with you regardless of what kind of house you have. [/quote]

Same. Though I can’t imagine how I would meet someone with your kind of wealth.  When I was in college I was friends with a very wealthy girl (her parents owned several restaurants in a big city) and the only time our friendship was awkward was when she wanted to go to the big sale at Neiman Marcus and I just couldn’t spend that kind of money, sale or not.  Other than that, we had a great time together.[/quote]

For me, and apparently many others on here, it's not about OPs wealth, specifically.  Depending on where you are in the country, a 15,000 sq ft house may be achievable for many PPs here.  We just wouldn't choose to spend our money that way.  How people choose to spend their money says a lot more to me about them than the fact that they have that money.[/quote]

As for me, I’m feel that way if you are a judgy byotch. [/quote]

PP who commented on how I choose to spend my money.  Are we supposed to be totally indiscriminate in who we hang out with? How are you supposed to determine who you want to be friends with? Doesn't personal judgment play into every decision we make?  Why is "she has good judgment" a complement but "don't be so judgy" a justifiable insult?  I choose my friends based on a combination of things, including sense of humor, intellectual awareness, a general values including (but not limited to) our role as stewards of the earth, openness to other cultures and new experiences, etc etc.    Sure, I value a tolerance for beliefs other than my own, and I'm open to a good debate and like to think I'm capable of having my mind changed, but I haven't seen anything in these 21 pages -- and I have read every entry! -- that has alerted me to a possible alternative for the scenario OP has laid out that might nudge my thinking on this issue.   As I wrote before, in my personal experience, [b]how people send their money has turned out to be a pretty good marker in the longer-term sustainability of our friendship[/b].  So I judge people on that.[/quote]

Obviously we have had different experiences.  I certainly don't agree with the way all my friends spend their money, but I have never not been friends with someone because of that.  The reason I am friends with people generally includes (1) we are both educated and value education, (2) we like to spend some of our time doing similar things, (3) we have similar relationships with our husbands, (4) we parent our children similarly, and (5) we can both laugh at ourselves.  Sure, there are other markers, but those are the ones that most come to mind.  In my world, I have never met someone whose house size affected our relationship, whether they chose to live in a tiny house or a huge mansion.  Your comment about being stewards of the earth means that obviously you place a higher important on your friends' environmental consciousnesses, and that's fine if you do, I'm just surprised that so many people would be bothered by the size of OP's house.  And I think the people who said that OP's house was tacky or gauche or whatever were being rude.  You don't need to like something someone else does, but you don't have to be mean about it.  That's something I try to impart to my kids, and I'm surprised at how many adults haven't learned that lesson.[/quote]

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