Reply to Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A closed adopted does not assume the birth mother wanted no contact. Stop repeating this ad nauseum. It was designed to protect the ADOPTIVE PARENTS only. Keep in mind also that the birth father had zero rights for many years. It is pretty easy, btw, to find the bio mother without DNA...and much harder for her to find the adoptive family.[/quote]

OP here. The closed adoption was the birth mother's choice, not my parents. My parents didn't care, they just wanted the baby. [/quote]

A closed adoption is still legal for as much as it can be. It means she was not going to have contact, but the legal document cannot mandate anonymity on any level other than keeping the birth certificate sealed. 
Bottom line- she had every right to contact them. She has, however, no reason to continue to do so after hearing that they do not want it. [b]She did the right thing,[/b] and now she will also do the right thing and leave them alone. As painful as it was for her, she knows what she needs to know, and it was her full right to know it- even the fact that they were assholes*-and will move on. Her children may revisit this later, and that will be their decision.
*knowing about who they were as people will be part of her life knowledge..it is Ok, and she will be OK.[/quote]

I'm sorry and I do respect what your sister is going through, but she did not do the right thing.  the right thing would have been to contact her birthmother only (or at least first) and see if her BM wanted any contact.  By contacting her BM's family and announcing who she was, was completely disrespectful to her BM.  At a minimum, she could have contact the BM's family and just said, I believe I'm a distant relative of your mother's (or aunts or whatever that relationship was) and ask to be connected to the BM.  It would have saved a lot of pain and misery for her own BM.[/quote]

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