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Reply to "Closed Adoption and found the birth mother"
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[quote=Anonymous]I've been reading stuff online that answers the question of "when the birth mother doesn't want to be found" and struggling to put into words what bothers me about it. Mostly it's the same stuff around "it's a human being, you need to face your demons, you cannot own the part of someone's history, get into therapy and do what you need to welcome the child into your life". Now I know what bothers me about it. It's the same disregard for the wishes and preferences of the birth mother that might have been shown at birth by unscrupulous adoption agencies. It doesn't matter what you want, what matters is what we want! We'll tell you how to feel about it! We know what's best for you! Who cares about the upheaval it will bring into your life! Just deal with it! The mother is de-humanized twice. First, when she isn't allowed to grieve and acknowledge the loss of her child. And then when she's forced to relieve these feelings again without the right to avoid them. [/quote]
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