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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I really hope all the right to life organizations realize what they’re doing to women down the line, when they encourage them to adopt because it gives them and their child a “better life”. You’re a prisoner either way. No one wants to pay for women to have access to contraception, but they want to insert themselves into their lives.m[/quote]

Do you think all the adopted kids wish they'd never been born? Some, I'm sure, have gone on to have difficult lives. But many have gone on to have fulfilling lives. So abortion isn't necessarily the better route. We don't know what the situations are in all the cases of adoption. It may be logical to you and me to have an abortion, but I won't wade into other families' religious beliefs and their views on the sanctity of life.

Frankly, I don't think abortion/anti abortion has a place in this discussion over closed adoptions and finding the birth mother. It's an entirely different topic. [/quote]

I’m saying that if they had known their lives would be impacted / “blown up” 20 years down the line, many women may not have chosen adoption. They choose what they felt was best for both their child, and themselves. Now, that choice is being taken away. And so many on this thread are saying that’s okay.

It’s not. This was a conscious choice, years ago. And their right to their lives has to mean something too.

When thinking of the reasons for adoption, a, narrative is that the biological mother made the best decision that she could on this under the circumstances at the time her baby was born, she did what she needed to do for her baby to have a better life than the mom could provide. They narrative is not generally that the mother was embarrassed about having been pregnant and having a child and decided to hide that embarrassment from her family until the end of time.  For a biological mothers who were looking out for their child’s best interest, I would think they would likely be thrilled to find out what has become of their biological children.  And if at that point their life circumstances had changed such that they could have a relationship with an adult child, rather than having to go through the stressful, hugely time consuming and emotionally draining raising of a child to adult hood, why wouldn’t they want to?

[b]In short, if my mom loved me so much that she was willing to part with me so that I could have a better life, why wouldn’t she want to know how I turned out many decades later? [/b]

These children are not secret in their own lives. They have families that care for them. They are looking for more, where there may not be more. A choice to make an adoption closed is done so for a reason. [/quote][/quote]

Because surely you’ve heard that loving something means letting it go. Your mother likely had felt that you were never “hers” to hold onto. 
Because the adult has nothing to do with their lives anymore, as painful as that sounds.

Families aren’t built by genes. They’re built by love. [/quote]

Unless you 
Need a bone marrow transplant
Have a familial mutation that is recessive, so.....
[/quote]

Statistics, a degree in math or in (specifically transplant) medicine may help you get over this argument.

Hint: if your family carries a gene, they are useless to you for transplants. Is it a nice to know? Sure.

PP, I’m going to agree to that you should be party to your medical history. You are owed your records. I dont agree that you get to be a part of everyone’s life that you feel obligated to be part of. But that’s their choice, and not yours.

Here’s the thing. We all get dealt the hand we get dealt. Don’t assume someone who grew up in their bio home had a better life.

You grow, you move on. You get therapy if you have to. But no one is “owed” anything, even from their parents. So many children are owed basic rights like love, safety, clean water, education, food, clean clothes. Do you know how many don’t get any of those? Even in countries where this doesn’t even seem like basics?

Not everyone is going to be welcoming to you, and that’s not a basic human right. That’s life. Do you know how many special needs parents need to hide their children’s diagnosis, or monitor their contact in society? Imagine feeling like you need to hide something, with your child in front of you.

Yes, adoption is unique, but not so unique that you get your own set of rules. Have you been safe, clean, Fed, educated? Your life may be better than it would have been growing up in your bio family. I know you don’t want to hear that, because you have a whole narrative as to why you are “owed” answers. I get it, in a perfect world, you would have them. But someone chose your life over a hundred other things. It’s not perfect, but life rarely is.

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