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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You say you don't want a divorce but maybe she does? Sounds like you're not well matched but it sounds like you could be friends and good co-parenting partners. [/quote]

OP here, no I wouldn't think so.  She is pretty happy.  If you asked her if our marriage would good she would say its great. Its almost like she is blind to the fact that the sex issue is so big, even though I have told her multiple times that it is.  We are well matched as husband and wife, just not lovers-though we used to be.  She was never a nymph or anything but it was good, enough for me to want to sign up for it for the rest of my life :)  We are good friends, and co parents, just that's not what I want from my wife.  [/quote]

OP, I don't mean this in a nasty way, but have you considered the possibility that from her perspective, you are not able to meet her sexual needs? Forgive me for saying, and this may not apply to you, but from a women's perspective a lot of men are complete klutzes in bed. I used to be in a relationship where I finally stopped wanting sex b/c it was too much work for very little reward, and the guy seemed completely unable to change his approach, no matter how much I tried to get him to understand. I felt bad because I knew it made him sad, but short of saying, "Dude, you suck in bed," I couldn't figure out a way to get through to him. We broke up now I'm with someone who is much more sexually savvy, and that issue is gone.

If you truly think that is not it, I agree with many of the posters who urge counseling. I would also say: get an au pair; hire a nanny; find some ways to reduce the pressure and exhaustion of three young kids and be able to get away for a bit together. I do think that marriages have their own sine waves. There will be periods where you feel very emotionally connected and periods where you're just tired or irritable and don't feel close. If you basically like and respect her, give this time. You may yet get past this.

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From all he's described sex isn't at the top of her list. Not so uncommon.   OP isn't going anywhere because he knows he won't find all that in another person. [/quote]

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