Reply to An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]13:30 here. I don't live in DC, and I don't know who the OP is. I don't agree with how this conversation has taken place, and  I hoped to add a different perspective. I would think that the difference in syntax and diction between myself and the op would make it clear that we are different people. 
To the 'fascinating' comment or, if a client was displaying aggressive behavior (spitting on a person, growling at a person,etc.) I would most likely  address it, give them an opportunity to try an alternative coping mechanism and then remove them from the situation if necessary. However, I do question what is aggressive behavior and the intent. I have been growled at and spit near by NT children playing pretend or simply getting overexcited at the playground. It is also not uncommon for older children to invade a smaller child's play area without repercussions--that's fine. Honestly, unless it is causing harm (like biting) I ignore it and let their caregivers handle it. No the behaviors are not acceptable, but what does it cost me to police someone else 's child whom I don't know be giving someone the benefit of believing that they are doing the best the can in that moment.  [b]I don't consider a child snatching a toy, apologizing, and giving it back a problem[/b]. Kids suck at sharing and it is something that can really only be learned through practice. To be sure, it doesn't feel great to have something snatched away from you, but barring extreme trauma, it won't do irreversible damage.

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The problem, PP, is that OP [b]doesn't[/b] apologize. I would have had a VERY hard time believing that other parents are "furious" with her "all the time" if she was apologizing... people just don't do that. Maybe there's a single nutcase here or there, but that's it. People don't invent that someone is spitting on them, regardless of what OP says her son's intention was or how she argues that every single one of them is overreacting. Antisocial behavior always requires apologies, even as children, ESPECIALLY if the parent is standing right there.

And voila, she has admitted that her strategy is to ignore a lot of the behavior rather than apologize for it. With her attitude of denial and entitlement, I can absolutely understand where other parents are coming from, and I can foresee even more problems for her and her child as he gets older. I can't imagine other parents being happy to include a child with those challenges who has a mother with that attitude.

To me, it's pretty clear that the OP is the problem. This has absolutely nothing to do with autistic kids in general, or SN kids in general, or SN vs NT kids, or any such thing. I'm personally a bit offended that she's trying to extrapolate this into some sort of vendetta against SN kids. I can tell you that my kids are also SN, just in different ways. But I don't expect other people to magically know what to expect of my children or what their challenges are.

Anyway, I'm done with this thread. I agree with some of the other PPs that the OP has only succeeded in making us less sympathetic to her situation, not more so. Hopefully it's at least given her some food for thought, even if it takes her a while to face it.[/quote]

1) when a kid has behavioral issues, no amount of apologizing by the mother will fix things with the kid. it's understandable to expect an apology, but realize where it comes from. 
2) OP has said she does apologize if she can. she says people over-react. 
3) Ignoring some of the child's bad/undesirable behavior is actually a therepeutic technique. that doesn't mean not intervening (OP stated countless times she DOES intervene). but it means you won't see the child punished the way you think would be fair. The therapist PP explained quite well how this works. 
[/quote

1. Apologizing is not for OP's kid it's recognizing social behavior and even though her kid may not understand OP certainly understands that her kid pushing , growling and  spitting on another child is upsetting to the other child.

2. OP claims to apologize  some of the time when she can. Please not that this is a recent claim by her. If you ead the thread in it's entirety she made no such claim in fact she was almost beligerent in her belife that those behaviors were no big deal.

3. OP is a manipulator
- Twits words to benefit her
- says ( types) one thing then denies it or claims she meant something different
- attempts to use guilt to get your support and if you don't cosign everything she believes she lashes out and becomes nasty at the same time if you appear to agree with her she turns up her  charm and plays into her own feelings of being a victim so very trusting people ( readers) feel sorry for her.
-diminishes everyone else's difficulties

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