Reply to Need help on getting 6 yr old ds to stop being mean to another kid in class

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]6 yr old got in trouble twice in one week 2 weeks ago because he was calling another student in class names. I asked why and he said because she wouldn't be friends with him. I told him that was no excuse and that [b]we need to treat people the way we want to be treated [/b]- in a way he I thought he could understand. We've talked to him about bullying and how wrong it is in the past and in fact he had to deal with an older kid who was bothering him on the school bus who is not anymore. Today, his teacher wrote another note saying he's doing the same thing to the same student and I just don't get it. We do not curse, yell, hit, etc at home and I had grounded him 2 weeks ago - no tv, Ipad, no outings, etc - and he's doing the same shit again. I am absolutely NOT one of those parents who is okay with my child being a bully and need advice on how to stop him from doing this because I'm getting extremely fed up.[/quote]

I think this rule is not that helpful for kids.  They don't really get it, or they get it in this way "If I was refusing to be friends with me, I would deserve to be called a mean name so I wouldn't be upset at being called the mean name."  It's fair to ask your child how they would feel in the other child's shoes, but I think it's really limited.  What's more useful (and a little more difficult) is teaching him other ways to deal with that emotion (feeling rejected by the girl) that doesn't involve him lashing out at the girl.  You can even practice is at home with stuffed animals or by role-playing.  I do punish my kids for stuff, but I also really that it's basically pointless -- most kids that age don't really have the impulse control to think "I am mad at Suzy.  I am so mad I want to call Suzy a bad name.  But if I call her a bad name, the teacher will tell my mom and my mom will take away my ipad for a week, and that will make me even madder so I better not call Suzy the bad name."  By the time their little brains get to step 2 of that thought process, they have already said the bad name.  You need to make something other than "call her a bad name" their first impulse.  And that requires a lot of practice and reinforcement -- just like learning to throw a ball or play the piano.  If you have to stop to think abotu every little step, you won't be successful.  [/quote]

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