Reply to I just bagged up all of DS' toys...and I'm giving them away

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Reply to "I just bagged up all of DS' toys...and I'm giving them away"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know you, but from your op, I think his reaction, say, to the waffles was unwarranted. AND I'm sorry to say I think he's modeling after you.

You're flying into a frenzy about his behavior.

He's flying into a frenzy about waffles. When he could just politely ask for more syrup, 'please.'

Hey, I know he's 4. He's just learning. They don't always get it right the first time and need reminders. But, I think if you and his other parent remain as calm as you can, it would help the situation.

As for the toys, did you warn him if this?

I see it as rule-action-consequence. Rule & consequence should be known beforehand. Otherwise, you can't hof it against him. So where does taking toys fit in? Again, was this a known consequence.

Last, you need 5 rules. That's it. They can be broad, but maybe he's dealing with navigating unknown rules, or too many to keep track of. [/quote]

I agree.  A parent who sees a child saying "You're mean" as misbehavior is in a frenzy.    The child is expressing his feelings about being disciplined, nothing more.  It's not even misbehavior.  You want a child this age to express his feelings.[/quote]

I was the first pp here. 
I just want to add a few more thoughts.

I want you to know I'm not judging or trying to jump down your throat. I've been there with my 4 (now 5yo) too. I've even been the bad 'model.' So that's how I know. And I see me in your story a little.

Our five rules at that age were as simple as: always wear underwear, no hurting others or yourself, respect each other's personal bubble, use kind words, and maybe something about cleaning up or taking care of our families things.

I have slowly gotten better. From shouting/huge reactions to explaining rule-action-consequence. "Our rule is respecting each other's bubble. You kept hugging (strangling) little brother even when he was crying. You will need to go be alone on your room for three minutes. Think about it and come say sorry." I don't get it right all the time. Neither does DH, but I've been 'training' him :) to work within this method.

I don't know if it's the greatest, but to me it goes better for everyone to stay calm and teach and talk than to start reacting and making quick decisions.

If you still think the toys is the avenue to go, you'll need to give fair, calm warning. "Ds, I've noticed you have been choosing wrong too often lately. How can we all choose better? How can I help you? Also, I now want you to know if you break the rules five times in a day, I will calmly choose five toys to give away." Mean it, and follow through. Good luck op.

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