Reply to Fiancee with moderate income insists on private school for daughter

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My fiancee is divorced and has a seven year old daughter. Although she has an income well below six figures - and lives in an excellent school district - she insists on splitting private school tuition with her ex. Unfortunately, she then has no money to contribute to retirement or do much else other than pay her rent and basic expenses.

What can I do to get her to realize that she needs to plan for her future? She has no assets and a fair amount of student loan debt as well.

[/quote]

1.  I can't fault your fiancee for wanting the best for her daughter, especially following a divorce.  (She ought, however, look at financial aid options--she may qualify).  We live in an area with allegedly excellent public schools and have been sorely disappointed in the quality of education.

2.  You express no concern whatsoever for your soon-to-be-stepdaughter's well-being.

3.  You need to have a serious conversation with your fiancee about financial expectations, division of assets/income, etc.  It certainly doesn't sound like you've done so.

4.  In short, this is your collective problem, not just "her" problem.  You're not treating it as such.

[/quote]

This is not a prestigious school - just expensive. The public schools in her area have an excellent reputation and she would be going to school with friends in her neighborhood as opposed to the long drive to the private school. If they go for private later, I think they get much more bang for the buck in middle/high school, where colleges would care about the brand name.

I care very much for the step-daughter's well-being - I just don't think my fiancee should sacrifice her retirement and financial future for this.

You're correct that we need to have a talk. What I was hoping to gain on this board is some opinions about how to open up that dialogue.[/quote]

Careful there buddy, you are bordering on interfering in her parental relationship with her daughter.  This private school decision is supported by both of this girls parents and it is none of your business.  I suspect she was probably already attending said school when you came into her life and now you want to take control of the situation.  I don't think you are worried, I think you want to do it your way.  And for goodness sake, do not use the "when/if we have a kid, our kid will attend public school," kiss of death.  If you are concerned about combining finances approach it from that side of the conversation, leave the stepdaughter (soon to be) alone, this is her parents' decision and something ONLY they control.  [/quote]

He just can't win can he?

First poster said: You're not talking enough about the well-being of the girl!
Second poster said: Well, she's your future daughter and your future wife so their security is your top concern!
Third poster said: Their school decision is none of your concern! You're not her real father.

Well, which is it?![/quote]

The third one, if you want family harmony for the long term.[/quote]

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