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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, there are things to think about here. I have two girls- both adults now.  Both had gifts of different things, difficulties in different ways. It is astonishing to see how the world views a beautiful child/girl/woman. Astonishing. Youngest daughter was a stunning baby, child, teenager, and now is a very  attractive woman,but  not really anything super unusual now. Her sister was not ugly by any means, but next to her younger sister, I guess others viewed it differently...she appeared plain. As an adult woman,many find her to be attractive, but in a much different way.  One has maybe a more classic beauty, and the other a more ethereal look . My husband and I are just  acceptable-looking folk- nothing outstanding in any one way.

I have to say, the attention that the younger one received in larger picture,outside of our home, was unbelievable. Unbelievable.  we would be stopped everywhere and this child was lavished with coochy coos, comments, hugs, etc. She would be asked if she wanted a treat at stores, talked to , provided with gifts....all in front of her older sister-with little or no attention offered to her. My friends commiserated with my observation, but always added " You are just going to have to get used to this- she's always going to get attention like this- what can you say to people- offer my OTHER daughter a piece of cookie, too?" Well, yeah, I can, but really I couldn't change the world.  We did play up the aspect of personality over appearances at home, but the world, magazines, and the media,and other people gave different lessons. I had little control over that.

Quite apart from the issue of the two daughters and their feelings toward each other, I soon learned that being beautiful in this society also comes with a  huge price tag. It's a lot of stress keeping up appearances  to suit what one thinks they owe to people. That sounds odd, but a young girl doesn't have the wherewithall to understand society's needs, however shallow. She only knows what her interaction is.  If one grows up and is regaled for something one has no control over, really, one will have to work to make sure they continually provide this form of currency because they feel that might be their  worth..despite anything we did or said to disavow it. She was able to write life checks that she could not cash...and it cost her dearly in some ways.  It was more of a curse than anything. Older daughter played up her smarts-realized that she might never achieve the goal of society, and managed with a mindset that worked for her, but I believe she had less self confidence and used her smarts in good ways, but in some poor ways... she found that people could be manipulated. (Think: the middle girl in Modern Family.)

We focused on giving to others, to charity, to helping others. We played down clothes and makeup as much as we could considering they were both teenagers at one point and enjoyed that. Perhaps we could have done more in that department, but I'm, not sure how. Social media was not a thing then, thank goodness.

They were close always, but adulthood and some issues have recently brought to light some unresolved resentments....even today in their late 30s. I wish I could give actual advice. I cannot, but I do acknowledge your concern, because you can already see how this may affect your girls down the road. We live in a lookist  world, like it or not.[/quote]

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