Reply to What was your thought process before bringing a step parent into your child's life?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I married my DH, his bios were 4 and 7. My bios were 6 and 10.  I had physical custody of my bios. We gained physical custody of my step kids about a year after our marriage.  Our exes were minimumly involved.  They saw them a couple of times a year at most.  DH is dad to all four.  I am mom to all four. A year later we had a child together.  We look, feel, and function like any other family. Most people have no idea we are blended. Our kids never shared that information. They just referred to us as "my parents" or "my mom" or "my dad" regardless of blood.

Sometimes kids are better off with a caring, involved, loving stepparent in their lives. I cannot image my life without my step kids. They are every bit as much my kids as the ones I gave birth to.  I disagree with the posters suggesting I am not financially responsible for my stepkids.  When my DH and I got married, we committed to each other AND to the children. We provide for our five children equally.

We have been married for well over 20 years. The kids are grown and out of the house except for our youngest.  Our oldest is married with a baby of his own now.  Several weeks ago someone asked me about my pregnancies and I was struggling to remember the details of one.  I took a minute for me to remember that I didn't give birth to her.  Our family is that blended.

Our kids are better off because of theirs step parents.  [b]Children cannot have too many people in their lives who love and support them[/b].[/quote]

This too me is the problem with divorced parents. They want to paint this rosy picture of the situation. Basically, all the kids were abandoned by a biological parent.  That is a really loss for them.  Having a step parent raise them and love them is wonderful but it will never replace the fact that their biological parent rejected them. Don't say that your kids don't feel this way or feel that loss because it is almost impossible not to feel that way. It's illogical to think it is.  [/quote]

I don't think it's "impossible" to feel that way. I do think that you seem to think it's "impossible" NOT to feel that way. My parents divorced and had joint custody. I never once felt abandoned by either of them, or that it was a loss.

I think that you need to accept that sometimes when people "paint this rosy picture" sometimes that is because the situation is actually pretty rosy. Not every kid who lives through divorce is screwed up for generations. [/quote]

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