Reply to Accepting responsibility...ADHD or just ``bratty''

Forum Index » Kids With Special Needs and Disabilities

Reply to "Accepting responsibility...ADHD or just ``bratty''"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote]I must have missed something. what is EFT? and who is Gottman? [/quote]

12:44 here.  Gottman is one of the people quoted in the "I Statement" poster's link to blog in Psychology Today https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cui-bono/201211/are-i-statements-better-you-statements .

EFT = Emotionally Focused Therapy https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotionally_focused_therapy

John Gottman is a psychologist/researcher who has studied marital relationships extensively.  We found his discussion of The Four Horsemen insightful and helpful https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/ .  The gist is that communication style is a huge predictor of relationship failure (marital or other).  "I" statements certainly play a huge part in relationship success and Gottman encourages them.  But not everything needs (or should) be reduced to an "I" statement - as in my example with the trash.  Now, if I were upset that my DS didn't take out the trash and I wanted to communicate to him what I was feeling or it's impact on me, an "I" statement is appropriate.  But, I have no feelings about him taking out the trash.  He just can't play on his phone until it's done.  DS is making a choice by not taking out the trash.  Choices have consequences.  He can (and does) blame me but his blame does not engender any emotions on my part.  That's one of the lessons in Yes, Your Teen IS Crazy.  Also, one of the problems with "I" statements is that it can cause guilt in the listener.  Although my teen seemingly doesn't care about my feelings, in quiet moments, he can feel extremely guilty and shameful.  That can rebound in a horrible way.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics