Reply to Does anyone have any experience in naming the other woman in the divorce proceedings?

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Reply to "Does anyone have any experience in naming the other woman in the divorce proceedings?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes OP.  Just the threat of naming her was enough to get my ex to sign the papers I presented him with.  Now, they were very fair papers.  50/50 on everything except, I wanted more control of custody and visitation.  I got it.  [/quote]

That's the sort of effect I'm looking for.  I want sole custody, transferring the house to my name only, child support and full waiver of his claims to any of my assets. I'm the breadwinner.   In exchange for this, I could offer liberal visitation and preserving his good name, which is important to him. [/quote]

OP, from a legal perspective, I join the others with the view that your expectations are likely to be unrealistic.  It's tough to say without more facts, but I doubt it.

From a relationship perspective, if you were my spouse and tried to do to me what you want to do to your husband, I'd do my very best to destroy you, even if I had to live in a box on a steam grate to do so.  Be prepared for an equal and opposite reaction to whatever you choose to do.[/quote]

The relationship perspective is irrelevant here.  It was destroyed four years ago when he decided to have a child outside of marriage, and maintain the relationship with its mother to this day.  Had I known this at the time, I wouldn't have had another child with him (born after the lovechild), nor would I have sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars into building a house with him.

He can't destroy me because I'm an innocent party, and because my reputation cannot be ruined by this revelation to the extent his can. Remember, I've done nothing wrong.  He is the one who went and got himself a sideshow.  Plus, he makes little money and can't afford good representation. If he wants to avoid public disgrace, he can do so by separating on my terms.

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The relationship perspective IS still relevant. You WILL have a relationship with your ex (just not a marital one). You WILL have to interact with him, a lot, because you have kids. Doesn't make much sense to poison that relationship up front by going nuclear in the divorce.[/quote]
The relationship is already poisoned by lies and deceit.  I don't want to have to go nuclear.  My DH doesn't, incidentally, want to divorce at all.  He would like nothing better than to continue things the way they were, except that now I know and he doesn't have to lie to me before going to see his other "family". He claims he can't choose. I don't want to play this game. Nothing can restore the marital relationship to what is was.  What I CAN do is try to separate on the financial terms that are most advantageous to me and the children, using the leverage I have.  [/quote]

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