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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, and I spent the last 20 minutes writing an email to my step-MIL, outlining the seriousness of my issues with my mother in an effort to get her to understand why I have these boundaries in place, and why it is important that I maintain them.

It was cathartic to write it... but should I bother sending it? It's a kind and respectful email, FWIW. [/quote]

Why do you feel the need to obtain her approval?[/quote]

I felt really judged after her talk with me at our lunch, and like she did not get the seriousness of the issues I have with my mom, and thus probably figured I was holding some sort of unnecessary grudge.[/quote]

NP here. I think you can tell you MIL all the things in your letter at some point, but don't seek her approval or understanding as you may or may not get it. She clearly has her own baggage about her mother. Let her carry hers and you carry yours.

And OP, let me just tell you this: You were abused in your childhood by her boyfriends and by her. She was not the mother you deserved (or wanted) and that is not your fault. You don't owe it to her, nor your mother in law, to endure any more pain than has already been inflicted upon you. Your job now is to heal yourself and protect your children. Don't let anyone else make you feel otherwise.[/quote]

OP here, thank you so much. I'm just so tired of carrying around this baggage, which I've tried to resolve with counselors over the years. I just can't have her in my life AND get past it. I have a pretty happy life that I've created away from all of my family, an absolutely wonderful husband and friends, and I hate that I come with this baggage. I'm sick of carrying it around but I can't seem to completely let it go.

It makes sense that this is all bubbling to the surface now, since I will be having a baby soon, and my mom will be around in some fashion. I do pretty okay the rest of the year when she is just someone who I have my kid facetime with every few weeks.[/quote]

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