Reply to Am I forever at fault no matter what I've done since then?

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[quote=Anonymous]Do you really want to give up so soon? Because, yes, it hasn't been as long as you think.

Has your therapist really worked with you on the "why" behind your affair? Do you understand what motivated you to cheat and have you dealt with those issues? If not, it might be past time to get a new therapist with a fresh perspective, and to be sure you recommit yourself to therapy as a way to work on change rather than as a place to vent (if that's what it's become). Same applies to your wife -- she might need a different therapist if the current one is letting her stay stuck. But do be aware it's not all on the therapists. As others have noted here it's not unusual for it to take years for a couple to get even somewhat past an affair. Sounds as if maybe your wife felt more deeply betrayed than you realize and that's reason to be sure to keep doing couples therapy as well as individual therapy. 
 
To be blunt the post give an impression of "I am contrite and have put in the work so when is the expiration date on her anger/ resentment/distance? How soon will This be forgotten?" I know that's not how you view it but it's quite possibly how your wife might see it--can you step back and objectively see that too? You ARE doing the work and that's good but you're getting frustrated.  It sounds as if you don't know how she's feeling and she and you might need to try some more intensive therapy together with someone who will get both of you to be more open about where you are -- and are not -- right now. But there is no deadline by which she has to "come around" or after which you're OK to leave without guilt. You may break up in the end after all. But isn't it worth it to redouble the effort first?[/quote]

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