Reply to Need to vent: My parents don't show up.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You can accept their limitations and be grateful for what they CAN do. That's important, and an important part of it.

BUT

You can and should set limits. ("I'm not going to be able to help you with presents this year. I know the kids would appreciate anything you would do for them.") You can state your feelings. ("It's OK if you don't want to come to an event for the kids but I wish you would tell me directly, rather than my hearing it from someone else.") Etc. Sometimes you can say, "You know, I don't know why you do XY and X, you probably have good reasons. But I do feel sort of hurt that you don't want to do Z." You can ask WHY they act in certain ways. [/quote]

Yes, trying to get there.  And I know they love the kids - even if it is a "crooked love" as a PP said. I know the reasons for their behaviors.  They almost always stem from some sort of anxiety about something. About driving. About offending me. About offending my husband. About picking the right gift. About the kids not wanting to be around them. About the kids disliking them. About making us uncomfortable. About being judged by husband's family. On and on and on....[/quote]

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