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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, a few questions, if you don't mind? Do you ever see your mom, maybe you included that, but I missed it.  Do you only see her at holidays? Does she buy you a Christmas/holiday presents?  How often do you talk on the phone? Never, once a month?  Weekly? It is certainly not fair that she favors your sister, and emotional part is hard. What about your Dad?  Is he around?  Does he have favorites?  Are you his favorite? Was your sister sick as a child?  Sometimes parent will favor that child, doesn't excuse it. Is your mom abusive verbally, sounds like you might be a bit verbally difficult.  I am not trying to justify your mother's preference, but since you are in your 40s, it is unusual that you haven't accepted this and are at peace with it, hence my questions. [/quote]

At most I see my Mom ever few months; sometimes several months go by. We talk on the phone about once every 3-4 weeks-I usually initiate contact (I used to call her more often). I see her on holidays if my husband and I aren't spending time with his family (we alternate). My father abandoned my sister and I when we were small children-he and my Mom divorced, he moved away, got remarried and started another life without us...when I was in my 20's I reached out to try to re-initiate a relationship with him but it didn't go anywhere...neither my sister or I have any contact with him at this point...he has major mental health and substance abuse issues. No, my Mom isn't verbally abusive-she's just distant towards me. I admittedly was a difficult teenager-very rebellious (older boyfriends, teen drinking, had sex early) although I never was in legal trouble. My sister was always the better behaved, less angry child-she was (and still is) a big people pleaser...I think genetically she's also just a happier person. I struggled with mental health and to some degree alcohol problems when I was in my teens and early 20's....she was the good kid and I was the problem child. I got my shit together in my mid to late 20's, though and once I finished college at 22 have never asked (or received) any money from my mother so it's not like she had to bail me out financially or anything like that. I am sure that the distance between us today in part has to do with my adolescent behavioral issues-I have acknowledged many times that I was difficult and created problems...I've apologized and she has said she accepts my apology. When my sister and I were kids, my Mom always provided for us but she was checked out emotionally. Oh-another part of the reason I think we aren't closer is because in addition to having similar interests and the grandchildren in common, my Mom and my sister have always looked very much alike while I look more like my father. 
 
My Mom is the only parent I have-I think that and probably because of unresolved anger re: the infertility is probably why I still haven't accepted it/made peace with it. I don't know, though...I hope I can make peace/accept things someday. I can work on it although it's not easy. I've long accepted the situation with my father but I wouldn't say I feel at peace about him if that makes any sense.

Thanks again for all of the responses-they were appreciated and I definitely have reflected on them. [/quote]

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