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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here's a mirror image:

My MIL had 4 sons. Two of them were married with kids. Another was the baby of the family. My husband was the other one: not married, no kids, not the baby.
She moved to be closer to her grandchildren and would call my husband and talk about practically nothing but what the grandkids did, with a little bit of what his brother bought, what his wife demanded, what his other brother bought, what this wife did, etc.

And the thing is, my husband never saw this as favoritism in any way. He saw that the joy of his mother's life was caring for her grandchildren. That in doing so, naturally, she was thrown in with those of her sons and DILs who had kids. This created closer bonds between them, and it was nobody's fault.

Then I had kids with my husband. By that time my MIL's health was failing. She sent money, but couldn't shop for gifts or interest herself greatly in her littlest grandkids.

And I still don't see that as favoritism. It's not her fault we had kids much later than her other sons.

Maybe the difference is that these are sons dealing with their mother, instead of daughters. Maybe my MIL has been really decent all her life and it still shows, whereas your mother has shown in multiple subtle ways that she actually doesn't like you? I don't know.

But think about it.

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It's great that your husband was okay with things, and that you don't see your MIL's behavior as favoritism.  But it is actually favoritism.  Favoritism is when someone favors one person over the other.  Given MIL only ever talked about the other kids and their wives and showed little interest in your husband, she clearly favored the other sons.

What you are saying is that you think the favoritism was justified in that the sons had the things she liked the best at that time.  And that's fine that your husband sees it that way and is okay with the favoritism, but that doesn't mean that other people should be okay with it from a parent.

It's hurtful when a parent blatantly and obviously takes an interest in one's sibling's life but not in the other sibling's life.  It is sometimes made worse when the favored sibling is aware of it and even sort of rubs it in.  But it's the parent who enables that.

What if you hadn't been able to have children and MIL's health wouldn't have faltered?  What if then MIL would've been constantly talking to you about how great her other sons are for having kids?  This is the kind of dynamic that occurs in many instances.  It isn't just that the parent favors one sibling.  It's that the parent favors one sibling and makes the other feel inadequate.  That's a difficult thing to take from a parent.  Even as an adult, feeling rejected by your mother is a painful thing.

Personally, my belief is that OP needs to be honest with herself.  If this is continuing to bother her and cause her pain and she can't just "get over it," then she needs some space from her mother.  The only way she'll make peace with it is to have a break from her mother, to kind of become okay with not having a mother.  Then, eventually, she'll be able to reestablish a relationship with her mother without any expectation -- without the need to have the mother's acceptance or approval or love.

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This is the OP-thank you. I hope I can get to that point (not needing or wanting approval/love from her). [/quote]

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