Reply to Stopping caring saved my marriage

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Reply to "Stopping caring saved my marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm trying to incorporate elements of this but am buckling a little under the weight of I guess mourning what I thought was possible, realizing there is contempt from him towards me, missing sex and missing having interest in each other and our lives.  He's also having a minor emotional affair and ...I want so badly to not care anymore.  I can some days.

I am working on keeping myself busy and cultivating my own interests and networks.  I know I can't change any of his actions or emotions and I don't try.  Did you have a mourning period before not caring?[/quote]

I'm not sure I had a mourning period.  I just decided I had 2 choices: either figure out how to live in this marriage or get a divorce.  Anger and resentment were no longer an option.  So I had to detach in order to stay.[/quote]

Apathy makes horrible relationships bearable.  This is the key to surviving a long soul sucking marriage without having the very happiness sucked out of you. Its kind of like today's political process.[/quote]

They say that apathy -- not hate -- is the opposite of love.[/quote]

It's not apathy. It's freeing someone from being responsible for my happiness. [/quote]

Detachment-Apathy potato potato

Of course when you have apathy it is freeing, i totally get you. You choose to no longer care and then you can move along. When you are in a horrible marriage the passion that comes along with caring is just so exhausting. Once you can detach and move along, you are free of that emotional burden. No need to uproot your family.  Youve realized you wantnthe family, but need to detatch on an emotio al level (not physical) from your spouse to cope and keep what youwant outnofnthr marriage.

I GET IT. I did it with my father. I spent years and years exhausting myself,  constantly being disappointed by his actions, it really weighed me down to care so much. Once i detached from him and stopped trying (with someone who was NEVER going to change) i felt so free. I'm most definitely apathetic towards him and detached really nails it. Just like you all, i focus on my family, my kids, my friends, my DH. He is completely in the emotional sense out of the picture. I see him physicslly, we engage on the basics, but Nothing he does can rattle my cage.[/quote]

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