Reply to Affair at work - post from a few weeks ago

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[quote=Anonymous]To the 9:06 therapist. Thank you for your message and for reading. Thank you everyone else for your responses and advice, too.

No, I wouldn't leave my DH if AP wasn't in the picture. I thought about leaving him before we had kids because even though we do enjoy spending time together, we are different on an intellectual level, which I understood only when I started meeting and talking to people at work. I married young (I was in my early twenties, and he was in his mid-thirties), but I always felt the older one in the relationship. I had temptations to cheat over the years, but I never acted on them, until this time. I wouldn't leave if AP wasn't in the picture because DH is a good, caring husband, a wonderful dad, we have a good sex life (2x/week), and generally get along well. He would be a good catch for most women.

I already have an age difference of 13 years with my DH, but with AP it's 20+. I understand that it's not a good idea to marry someone so much older. I also don't want to break up two families and cause devastation.

I understand that my AP might be going through midlife crisis, that he possibly wants me because I give him what his wife won't - attention, care, physical touch. I do not think he targeted me and I do not think there were others before me. We still haven't had sex, and it was me who made the first step (I kissed him first). I understand it might not be love. But it feels like love.

I tried kissing my DH how AP and I kiss. It's just not the same at all. I understand that they are two different people, but i do not enjoy kissing my DH. He doesn't use his tongue (and when I ask him to try it's awkward and not enjoyable), his lips are not firm like my AP's lips, he is 50 lbs lighter than AP, so I don't feel as comfortable in his arms. It's just not the same. This part didn't bother me before I met AP. DH and I never kissed a lot, just a peck on the lips most days, and somewhat passionately for a couple of minutes before making love. With AP, it's different. I enjoy and savor every second, and we kiss for long periods. I know I am not a teenager, and kissing is not and should not be important, and I never thought it was important until I met AP and experienced this.

My DH is going to his first marriage counseling session today to talk about how to make our relationship better. I think I will try doing that too. I will try not seeing my AP and seeing if I can improve things at home. I know I can stay in my marriage and be somewhat happy, but I know that after having what I have with AP, things with DH will never be the same, because now I know what passion is and how things could be. I know that a marriage is not all about passion and that there are chores and responsibilities, but believe it or not, but we never argue with DH about this stuff because we split chores equally and each of us does what we like.

The therapist did say all of those things. Maybe I misinterpreted some, and maybe I heard what I wanted to hear. I don't know now.[/quote]

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