Reply to We offered to pay for my sister's kids to go to private

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Reply to "We offered to pay for my sister's kids to go to private — she refuses"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My guess, as other said, is that the parents have suspicions about your assessment of them.

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Perhaps you could try a different tactic: [b]open a college fund[/b] for these kids, assuming that sooner or later they'll want to at least enroll in a state college, a trade school, community college, etc. From what you are suggesting they aren't going to be preparing applications to Middlebury. And, unlike offering to fix their current life, a college fund simply communicates faith in their future ability.

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... with the parents' permission, of course.  OP, you and your husband sound very generous and it is kind of you to be concerned about your sister's children.  If the parents don't give their permission, then perhaps you can still set money aside and then approach each child when s/he is 18 and use the fund as an encouragement to at least enter community college or vocational schools.  And then help the children examine the options.

So many folks in the DCUM world have a tunnel vision about this topic because they cannot imagine anything different than their own perspective.  Or all they feel is judgement because, well, they judge.

But having come from a small, rural school where only 1 graduating senior (guess who!) out of 86 went on the next year to college, it can be hard for children with little exposure to college to see the path and benefit.  You may want to find out if the middle and high schools the children attend are AVID (www.avid.org) schools.  AVID is a program entirely focused on children who would be the first in their families to go to college.  At the very least, there are some good resources on the AVID site.

Also, from your post, it doesn't sound as though you and your husband see your sister and family a lot.  This is not working in your favor with your very gracious offer.  Perhaps there is a way to amp up the relationship with weekly phone calls to your sister or to Skype?  Or plan a visit?  Or plan a reward trip for certain grades (although this might not work if the kids don't know you)?

Sounds like your hearts are in the right place but, since your initial offer was rejected, this won't be a one and done deal if you choose to proceed.  It will take a little more effort to build trust.  Good luck to you all!

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