Reply to Supporting my DD thru new school + friendships

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If she hasn't already, I would urge you daughter to pick a club or other extra-curricular activity or two to get involved in that Frenemy isn't part of. This would likely really help her to make new frlends without Frenemy around to intimidate her.[/quote]

+1  Good idea.

But please [u]don't [/u]phrase it to your DD as "Find an activity that doesn't have Frenemy in it" -- that would emphasize the whole issue too much. Don't mention Frenemy, and don't try to get DD into a club or activity just to be [i]with[/i] Close Friend, either; just support DD in finding some extracurriculars that she enjoys -- the enjoyment is key. She can make friends who share interests with her, rather than friends who are friends just because they've known each other a long time. As kids get older they need friendships based on shared interests and experiences rather than friendships based on what I'd call proximity and familiarity.

If Close Friend has been a real and good friend before Frenemy came along, and before this school year, I'd help see that CF and DD get together. Yeah, DD needs to navigate it herself at school, but outside school, well, at 14 they can't drive themselves anywhere and might not think to ask the adults, "Hey, can she come over?" Maybe offer without overdoing it -- "Do you want to bring CF home with you on Friday after school and go to that movie..." etc. You're not running her world if you do that; you're just making a suggestion.

If DD is balky about doing things with CF now, that's fine; move on and support her activities but don't bring up CF too much. Let her take the lead on what she wants to discuss. Eventually she will, I hope, start talking about new kids she's meeting and will focus much less on CF or Frenemy. It will work out. I feel for her, and for you too, OP.

If CF's mom is asking how your DD is doing so far, maybe the mom has an inkling that things are cooling off between the girls. It was nice of her to ask about your DD. 
 -- From a mom of a 15-year-old DD

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