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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, he is an alcoholic. That isn't your fault. Alcoholics don't need to be miserable and don't need a reason to drink excessively. If every alcoholic drank just because they were upset it would be a lot easier to cure. Alcoholics drink so much because they can't stop. [/quote]

I think he's an alcoholic, too, but as someone in recovery I can say that only he can find the answer to the question of why. He's not going to quit until he decides that he wants to go in search of that answer and find ways to deal with it. Some can do that on their own but most need to get professional help. Either way, he has to see it as something that's hindering, not helping, his life.

For me, it was all the little moments of embarrassment when I realized in hindsight that my secret little helper wasn't the secret I thought it was. I'm grateful my DH didn't become a nag about it, but he started talking more often about how he knew I was drinking and he supported me 100% (without judgement) when I tried to stop on my own but failed. I agree with others that it's not your fault, but just know that shame drives secrecy and secrecy drives the alcoholism. He's got to be ready to lay things wide open and face himself and trust (while it still exists between you) is a necessary part of that. [/quote]

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