Reply to Bar/bat mitzvah t-shirts

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We did it (sweatshirts) but we also invited every single person in the class. I am very sensitive to kids and adults who feel left out and I'm not sure whether I would have even thought about this as an issue if we had not invited the whole class. It's good to think about. However, in this time we are living in - with constant social media posts about various events - we are all in the same boat as not being invited to every single party or event. Whether or not someone is wearing a t-shirt the next day isn't the only issue and we are all going to have to learn with not being on the guest list for every party. [/quote]

I don't disagree with you that children (and adults) do need accept that sometimes not everyone is included.  However, I have posted a couple of times on this thread making a different point.  Yes social media makes it much clearer when there was an event and you were not included, but it has been a good manners and ettiquette expectation from before social media or frankly even personalized t-shirts and gear were a thing that one doesn't flaunt an invitation in the face of those who were not invited.  And we as adults should all be thinking of ways to teach our children that - for the sake of good manners and for the sake of kindness.  My guess is the kids who were not included already know.  And many have been excluded from other events and are already feeling bad.  But I am blown away by the parents on this thread suggesting they need to learn to deal - the fact that these children have to learn to manage their feelings is not mutually exclusive from ALL of us teaching our children to be kind, considerate and thoughtful of others feelings.  And frankly to have good manners because that is what this comes down to.

I definitely wonder how many of the parents lacking empathy on this thread are the same ones who on the ubiquitous threads about thank you notes are the first to judge those who lack the "class" or "manners" to send thank you notes.  Good manners require kindness, graciousness, and thoughtfulness.  It's not form over substance.  [/quote]

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