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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So what's the problem, op?

Assuming you can afford the retirement home now, buy it and use it for vacations until your youngest goes to college and you can both move there together. Feel free to hang out there for longer stints if you want, but remember that your job of parenting your kids must come first until you drop them off at college.

What's the issue? Do you think your husband doesn't want to retire there anymore?

Can you name the area? Something to keep in mind: health care. The health care system in Hawaii, the Caribbean, Mexico, DR, CR, etc. is awful. The health care system in Florida is surprisingly awful as well. I have friends who retired to the USVI, Hawaii, and parts of the south and they fly home to DC or Hopkins for medical care. People need good health care as they age. Unless you are rolling in money and can afford to fly to a better area for doctors appointments, you might consider keeping condos in two areas.[/quote]

There may be no problem.  Parenting my kids obviously comes first and is why I'm willing to stay another decade.  The issue I am facing is what makes sense for the 5-10 years once kids leave for college but while DH may want to continue his career in our current area. My guess is it will just get harder for him to move as time goes on. But perhaps I'm borrowing trouble.  He knows (or should - I've said it multiple times) that I plan to move or at least spend 6 months a year elsewhere once kids are off to college.  So I guess I can leave it up to him what he wants to do if that's the case. 
[/quote]

How far away is the retirement location from the place you currently lives and DH works? There's a world of difference between DC/Florida and DC/Hawaii, for example. I could see working out an arrangement where you guys keep an apartment in DC (or whatever city you now live in) and split time between that and your retirement home. Maybe DH takes off Fridays and stays down with you, then commutes back to the city for work Monday-Thursday. A week or two later you do something similar -- head up to the city to be with him for a long weekend before returning home. No way would this be possible if the two locations are more than a few hours away by either plane or car. I personally wouldn't want to risk my marriage with that much distance for that long, but that's me.[/quote]

Retirement area is more of a broad area than a specific destination.  And I'd actually be fine with renting / being in different places until DH is actually ready to retire.

This thread has been edifying for me however.  Moving nearer term may be best, though I don't know if it will happen.   But it is useful advice to think about how this separation will impact my relationship - I think this type of 'time together/apart'' relationship would suit me / my temperament very well, which is why it feels like a viable option to me.  But it's clear from the way folks post that many people need the less intense but more constant model of togetherness, and my spouse is probably one of those people. So the thoughts I have it my head, while perfectly workable for me may not work for him.[/quote]

Precisely.

I posted earlier about the couple where the wife moved to Hawaii. She was totally lobbying for it because she didn't need to be with her husband all the time to still feel connected. Unfortunately, I don't think men are wired like that. I think some women enjoy the solitude and don't miss sex, but I think men prefer to be taken care of--in the bedroom and the kitchen. I'm telling you that this sort of separation will ultimately end your marriage. Like the couple I know, he might be up for it initially, but it won't take long before he's hanging out with coworkers, going out for drinks, etc. He will crave company. He will crave sex...even if you two don't currently have a great sex life, I assure you his drive will kick into gear if a new woman shows interest.

So don't move anywhere without your spouse...unless you are fine with getting divorced. And recognize that everyone will blame you since you are the one that left. [/quote]

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