Reply to Accountability for an affair? Should cheating spouse tell his/her own family?

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[quote=Anonymous]My husband had an affair years ago. For me, one condition of us working things out after I found out and we separated for almost one year was that I was telling his mom. I'm close to her and clearly with the separation she knew something was up. I'm so glad I did - turns out my FIL had an eerily similar affair at the same life stage and it was so damn similar it was scary. They ended up working it out and moving on to a have a happy marriage so that was helpful.

However I never told my parents. Two good friends know and they were really supportive. I agree that you have to be careful about who knows but it is helpful to have some trusted loved ones to talk to.

One last thing: don't be sure he is getting away Scot free in terms of no one knowing. As time passed and the fog lifted, my husband realized that coworkers of his likely did know or suspect. He has changed companies since then but he was embarrassed for years at how careless he was.

Good luck OP. The first two years were the worst. Year 3 is a lot easier and now 6 years later I hardly think about it. We were in counseling for two years which helped. As awful it was my husband grew up a lot and we are both much better equipped to handle the ups and downs of marriage and parenthood. [/quote]

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