Reply to What would your relationship with your MIL be like if she treated you as an equal and an adult?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The other half of this is, what would your relationship with your MIL be like if you treated her like an equal adult, for example, didn't respond to what might be a random comment with the feelings of a child who's being criticized by a parent.

Also, if you allowed her her own subjectivity - took no more offense at her comments than you would if she were a same-age friend.[/quote]

NP here. In that case, if someone were a same-age friend who made upsetting comments to me, I probably wouldn't spend any time with them.

[b]Not like she can just cut her MIL out of her life. Most of us tolerate unbelievable behavior from relatives because we're up against a wall. At times, the people we need to avoid are the ones we are stuck with seeing ALL, THE, TIME.[/b]

[/quote]

Why not? After 10 years of trying to make things work with MIL I realized she's not going to change so I have disengaged. DH and kids can go see her when they want, but she's not welcome in our home anymore and I have no desire to see her. [/quote]

Easier said that done for a lot of people. My father stopped talking to his own parents years ago but it took more than 15 years to do it. Extracting toxic relatives is like removing a malignant tumor, followed by chemo and radiation. Takes time and lots of pain to rid yourself of the disease eating away at you. [/quote]

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