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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DH has been helping his dying father. For the past 6 months this has consumed our lives. He is constantly doing something or driving the two hours to go help him. I completely understand and have tried to have an endless amount of patience but I am growing so tired. I have to pick up all the slack at home. And it's just so overwhelming and sad and I feel like I can't complain because it's not my dad that is dying. But it has just put so much burden on me [b]without me ever being given a chance to have an imput on the situation[/b].

I'm sorry. This feels like such a selfish rant. And it is. I know that. But I need somewhere to vent because it's been really hard on me too.[/quote]

What input would you like to have on the situation? Are there things you feel should be done differently to lessen the burden on everyone?[/quote]

For instance- DH went up today for the day. Just called and said he was staying through Tuesday. Asked me to figure out a way to get his stuff up to him. Asked me to figure out childcare for our daughter who he was supposed to be home with those days before her school starts. My son starts Kindergarten Monday. If I could have imput, I would ask if DH could come home Sunday night so that he was here for our sons first day of kindergarten and was able to watch our daughter on Monday. He could go back Monday night because I can find someone for Tuesday for our daughter.  But when I try to make a suggestion I get an angry response about how his dad is dying and he has to do this.  basically, my husband has stopped asking me if things are ok and just does what he thinks needs to be done. And because his dad is dying I don't feel like I can say no or make suggestions. I just feel like my opinion has no place in the situation and I am just supposed to do whatever DH tells me to do. [/quote]

Six months of this after the kind of father FIL has been? I think you have been a saint. Enough is enough.  I would have told him he absolutely needs to be back Sunday night for his children and you will not be having his stuff sent up to him. [/quote]

This is terrible advice. Stop suggesting things that'll create even more of a rift between OP and her DH. His dad is dying. Neither OP nor any of us can decide how her DH should feel and what he should or shouldn't do for his father. Ultimately, he has to live with himself every single day after his father is gone, and only he can decide what is appropriate for him to do so that he can live with himself. OP, honestly, as hard as it is, just give your DH his space. This isn't easy for him, especially given the nature of his relationship with his dad. Hire a baby sitter, join a nanny share, or get whatever part-time help you need to make this situation better for you and the kids but DO NOT demand that your DH do anything unless you want a resentful spouse after all this is over.[/quote]

Oh really?  So if the roles were reversed and OP took off to tend to her deadbeat dad, neglecting her family like this, you would be a-ok?[/quote]

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