Reply to DW [Desperate Wife] wanting more intimacy from my DH

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Urk.  I'm a DH with a 15month old also, and you are way ahead of us at 3/month.  I wish I had better advice for you (or that I lived near you and we could have an agreeable sex-only affair) , but all I can repeat is what I get told a lot: be patient, having little kids around can really kill things.  I can tell you as a man that it's much harder for us to fake it and do duty sex.  Some men are freaked out by childbirth and some go madonna/whore.  Unfortunately, there's not a lot you can do to change his perception of these things for the better, but I can say that being sexually aggressive will reinforce those negative reactions (this is a kind of defensiveness to feeling inadequate).

Was he like this before the kid, or was he more comfortable with more frequent and more adventurous sex?  I'm going to guess he was OK before and this is a change.

I would suggest backing off and stopping initiating or pursuing...let him start to pursue you.  If he doesn't, bring it up in a non-sexual moment - sometime when you can talk for a bit, but without the pressure of it being tied to having sex right then.  Tell him you want a sex life and that the sex life (qualitative and quantitative) that you presently have isn't cutting it.  If he's having some kind of freakout about the fact that a baby came out of you or some kind of madonna/whore thing, then he needs to own (admit) that and take responsibility for changing it (talk to a counselor - this is what sex therapists are for!!).

I would be thrilled to have 3/month sex with all the more explicit details you shared...[/quote]

PP obviously has no idea about how to solve this issue because his situation is even worse. Do not listen to PP's horrible advice!
"Backing off" is the worst possible thing you could do, it sends the message that you accept the status quo.

You must do the exact opposite: be clear and consistent about your needs, and be quite vocal when your needs are not being met.
Sounds like you've not actually had The Talk with him yet, where you get honest about how this is deeply affecting you, and ask him to make your needs a higher priority?[/quote]

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