Reply to losing interest in spouse in sexless marriage

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[quote=Anonymous]PP here and I am reading all of your responses and from what I can tell, but correct me if I am wrong, you have no intentions of addressing your unhappiness in the marriage (sexless, no real passion, her not doing really anything special for you, like your Birthday, etc) mainly because you don't want to hurt her feelings or cause her discomfort/guilt, etc? You say you have a sex drive, but have not had sex in 3+ years and are perfectly okay with staying on this path, no questions asked....but would rather find "other ways to deal with it"....I really have to question your representation of your sex drive. Anyone with a REAL sex drive would not view this so mildly. It is okay that you don't have much of one, but you should really just admit this. Maybe you are okay with little affection and no physical intimacy and that is perfectly okay! Many marriages work where both parties feel this way. I also wonder if part of her attraction, want for sex, etc comes from your own lack of interest? I am a female and I can tell you that my husband makes it loud and clear when it has been too long and so do I...it makes us both realize that we still want one another, that in itself is important, it makes us more than roommates. I am not saying be aggressive, but seriously you should take a bit more charge. You do come across a little like a doormat and I can tell you that is not sexy, women start to loose respect, just like my husband would loose respect for me if I constantly just sat back and never spoke up . I do respect your stance on taking your marriage vows seriously and that you have a commitment/ responsibility, etc, but you admit later on in this thread that you are feeling sad, depressed and don't really want to be around your wife, if you think that is okay and you will just remain father of the year/husband of the year forever under these conditions, I would question your reality and mental health. I know you say you don't hate her now, but seriously what you just said is the beginning of it....it will begin to spiral and at some point it will spill over onto your kids in a variety of ways....you can keep trying to tell yourself that you need strategies to just "deal", but that is only a band aid and eventually those strategies will ware off and you will be asking for more to "deal" w/ it and eventually nothing is going to work, except for really addressing what is happening inside of you and what is really happening inside of her. You can choose to wait it out, but I am not really sure you both will be better off, or your kids. IN conclusion, I feel as though you not only have a sexless marriage, but you also don't even have an emotional connection. You are both just two people in the same house being parents and if you are fine w/ that, then don't try and find "strategies", just accept it for what it is and never think of it as something that will get better.   [/quote]

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