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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She is struggling with her loss of identity in two ways:

She's no longer the young pretty one. She's still pretty/ but she's now "pretty for 42." It's a huge hit to your ego.

She's also no longer the mom to young kids. That is a stage that when you're in it feels like you'll never leave it and then one day you realize that as you were living it, day by grueling day, the years past and that stage is done. She's now the mom of elementary kids and as she gets older, they do, and one day they will have their own life and won't want/need her at all.

I know this because I'm not there yet but I get glimpses sometimes and will feel anxiety building. She's entering the second half of her life and that's tough for women who have built an identity around being young, pretty, and a mom of young kids. She very much needs to find a hobby or volunteer cause or job that will give her back her confidence ("I'm good at this too!"), fill her time, and help her forge the identity that will replace the ones she's lost. [/quote]

I can see myself slipping into this in a few years. And I've made an effort to give myself more and to compare myself less, but it is a natural inclination of mine. I am insecure and compare myself to others and want to be liked. I can coach myself through it, but it takes effort. And when you can't coach yourself through it, it can trigger depression.

I think  you continue to be supportive and encouraging without putting pressure. But if you lead by example, she is more likely to do for herself. You might even help her to find a new social group/peer group, without making it obvious. Sometimes new perspectives help.[/quote]

But do you really think that people like you because of the way you *look*?[/quote]

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