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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
No advice, OP, just sympathy.

My first cousin and my nephew by marriage both had similar problems. They are also highly gifted, which always made it hard for their parents to persuade them to do anything, since any strategy was instantly evident and rejected. In the end, both sets of parents had no choice but to let their kids take the lead. I know that's not what you want to hear, sorry.

My cousin is now 30 and in a good enough space. She has a distant but affectionate relationship with her parents. Her academic record is stellar and she has several graduate degrees from prestigious universities, but refuses to hold down a job and does not have close friends or a boyfriend. Never formally evaluated for anything except giftedness, but I would suspect depression and anorexia.
My nephew is in his early twenties and dropped out of college even though he had a perfect SAT score. Used to be suicidal, diagnosed Asperger's, and probably undiagnosed ADHD. Again, not being able to toil through mundane things is the issue here. He is estranged from his mother and barely talks to his father, mostly because unlike my cousin's parents, they tried to force his hand with career choices, meds and therapy. He lives off his father's money and doesn't do anything. At least he's not suicidal anymore.

I may have missed it, but did you do a full neuropsychological evaluation? Your daughter might have some learning disorders, ADHD or high-functioning autism that her intelligence has masked up until now, which might be triggering part of her depression, since she can't understand why she isn't performing up to her potential. The no friends part could be due to HFA.

Just throwing some ideas out there.
I grew up with a very restrictive mother who forbade me from going out of the house and socializing, and suffer from anxiety and ADHD. I resented my parents throughout my 20s, and lived abroad with my boyfriend as soon as I could.
Now I realize that I am responsible for my own happiness, regardless of how my parents started me out in life, and that blaming them is not going to help me.
However it took years for me to get to that point. It would have been so much easier if my parents had been understanding and loving, instead of blaming me for things I could not help, like my ADHD symptoms.

Good luck, OP. It's a hard road, please don't feel any guilt. At least you're trying to help.

[/quote]

Thanks you for providing the examples. We are letting her take the lead since the major sore point for her has been that we have led the path until now and have majorly messed up. Also, she is 18; apart from this issue she is highly capable, smart, funny and empathetic. We expected a lot from her and in the process have affected her psych. Just wish she would scale back a little on work, but still would participate in normal family and teen activities. We hate the fact that she sits in her room the whole time in front of a screen. She went to a extremely tough school and did okay and says she can handle college easily. I trust her on academic ability, but am scared that her executive functions are severely underdeveloped. In addition, we are concerned the way she is aloof from the family. We will need all the good luck and advice to navigate this phase of our life.[/quote]

Hi Person who had MDD.  The thing about depression is that you shut down and no matter how smart you are.  You find yourself reclusive and in bed all the time.  I would worry that she would be isolate herself.  Well I guess she would have a roommate.  I feel for the roommate.  There is anyway you can work out a plan that if she finds herself in a situation that she has a plan.  [/quote]

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