Reply to Relationships between grandparents and SN kids- quick poll

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]There are people who don't want imperfection in their world.  Many upper middle class families (and I'm generalizing) also believe, and have been brought up to believe and are constantly imparting a message to their own children that consists in so many words of constant striving and competition, and "Life is what you make it...strive for your goals and you will meet them...you can overcome all obstacles."  The disabled/special needs child presents a conundrum and paradigm because this child doesn't fit the paradigm.  The disability can't be strived away (it's lifelong) and the special needs child fails as some sort of "inspiration porn" for the NT child.  Unless the special needs child can be forced into the role of some sort of family mascot, there is no role for the special needs child.  He/she has to be pushed out cognitively.

Note also the pressure on the parents, who are constantly given the message (despite total lack of actual evidence) that their marriage is bound to fail due to the special needs child, and that it's not fair to the siblings that the special needs child gets so much attention.

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I don't think that's necessarily true.  Children with special needs are difficult under a lot of circumstances.  In some communities there is a lot more stigma culturally (often Asian).  Otherwise, lack of education often leads to lack of understanding.  I've found that it's families with a combination of means and education and a certain faith (often Jewish, also Catholic) that are most positive and supportive of their family members with needs.  [/quote]

AS is hitting the Korean-American community hard and the parents I see struggle the most are the children of immigrants themselves. Their elderly parents don't have a context for this back in South Korea. They are trying to help their kids and honor their parents.[/quote]

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