Reply to Husband won't let me comfort him. I don't know what to do.

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Reply to "Husband won't let me comfort him. I don't know what to do."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I also don't know why everyone is piling on OP.  She can't ask if he needs anything, or let him know she loves him?  Is she supposed to walk around all day and not interact with him at all for the foreseeable future?  It is totally reasonable to grieve in your own way and to want to be alone, but this has been going on for a month and he can't even talk to her a tiny bit?  It seems like this is much more than a normal grieving reaction if he can't even simply say, "no thanks, I would really like to be left alone for some time, I know we talked about how I wanted to be comforted before my mom passed, but now that it's happened, I need different things."

I don't think OP is being selfish.  I think she feels helpless and is trying to figure out a way to be there for her husband.  She thought she knew what to do based on prior conversations, but apparently that is being overtaken by how he feels now.  Honestly, her husband sounds like he needs some help with dealing with his emotions but if he would refuse therapy, that's not great.  [/quote]

Yes to this.  He can have space, yes.  But he should also be able to ASK FOR IT.  Kindly.  From his loving wife, who clearly wants to help.  "Hi honey, I'm destroyed from work, I love you but I'm going to sleep in the guest room because I need to be alone".

Instead it almost sounds like he's getting a power trip from leaving her blowing in the wind while tip toeing around his emotions.  Grief sucks, yes.  But it doesn't relieve you of the rest of your life indefinitely.  She's not asking he buck up and get over it.  She's asking for how to help him.  The only person who can share that, is him.  And he's refusing to engage.  That's not fair.

OP, of course give him some leeway.  He's hurting.  But I think it's ok to stand up for yourself a bit here.  It's ok to grieve, but there is a limit in how much other people should be expected to tip toe around you without ANY CONVERSATION about what's going on.  That's just not reasonable in a marriage.[/quote]

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