Reply to Making the choice to stay after an EA

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm the spouse of a partner who had a fairly long term EA.

It's been four years, and it's still painful.

It took the feeling of having a safe haven in a relationship, the sense of being a team and destroyed it like an atomic detonation.

What I would have liked from my spouse?

True remorse
Complete honesty
Making it up to me
Restoring feeing valued
And more than that - all of that upfront before spouse got to complain one whit that I was a lousy spouse or how much they're grieving for their friend.  Because while spouse was off "feeing validated" I was not feeling so validated either, but I didn't find a special friend with whom to share intimate things.

Or you wanted to hear from repentant spouses who shared your sense of loss once the EA ended?  Suck it up buttercup.[/quote]

I, too, am a betrayed spouse to an EA. It has been 18 months, and yes, it still hurts. I have no sympathy for you whiners who sought your attention, needs elsewhere, or felt "validated" by doing this awful thing. The problem is not your spouse, it's you. Some horrible thing inside you gave you the idea that you were entitled to cheat. I am sure your spouse felt equally horrible/dead/invalidated in the marriage, but did not choose to cheat. Own it, show remorse, be honest, and hope that your spouse has the capacity to forgive. [/quote]

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