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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again - my husband was raised by a patchwork of distant relatives, foster care, and friends and neighbors. It was far less than ideal but he has managed to put himself through college and have a fairly normal middle class life.

Several years ago I encouraged him to reach out to her, as a new mother at the time I couldn't imagine not having any relationship with a mother. I think we've made a good effort but family doesn't just start in your mid-30s with a stranger, we now call every Sunday out of obligation and either spend Christmas or Thanksgiving with her. None of us enjoys it, she asks us to visit more often, and we feel guilty.

[b]I appreciate the suggestions to let my husband handle this. A big part of my problem is I handle the weekly phone calls, which doesn't sound like much, but if you're trying to schedule with someone with severe anxiety, no sense of time, and a loose grip on reality it's a chore. Sometimes she calls in the middle of the night on other days crying and asking why we haven't called yet. If I could turn his relationship with his mother over to him that would help.[/b]

I don't appreciate the comments about what a terrible person I am. I've tried to be kind for years to her and it's just a burden, I'm looking for suggestions on how to make the situation any easier or think through what obligations I have.[/quote]

It sounds like you guys need some help dealing with this situation. In no way should you be in charge of the calls, not at all.  And the scenario you're describing sounds awful.

Has DH ever had therapy about his upbringing?  That might help.

I think I would set her phone number to silent on my phone, and I would say the next time you talk that you have a lot going on, and DH will call in a couple weeks.  Start spreading it out.  And visit not on holidays.[/quote]

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