Reply to If you are married or in a long-term partnership and you die

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having gone through it with my father wife hunting and proposing to multiple women online in the weeks after my mom died, I would say ideally wait until the kids have healed and are adjusting well to life without mom.

At a minumum I would say not until the gravestone marker has been placed and the kids have had time to visit and grieve that.  Gravestones go on about one year after the burial so that makes it 1+ years absolute minimum.

The kids needs to grieve the loss of mom through all holidays, Christmas and birthdays especially. If they can have the first Christmas to grieve and tue second Christmas to realize life goes on, that would be especially helpful.[/quote]

I would also say widowed dads need to establish legal protection to guarantee any assets that were part of mom's estate, especially family heirlooms, family property, family money, or family farms, and also property owned by the original marriage before the spouse's death, are completely protected to be passed on to her children and will not under any circumstances go to future wives, future children, or especially children/grandchildren that new wives bring to the relationship that are not related to you.  This shoukd be established before you start dating. If you are not ready to do this then you are not ready to start dating.[/quote] I'm a current first wife and I don't feel this way.  If I died and left a lot of money, my husband remarries and has more children, I would expect him to treat all of his children the same.  I know if he dies, I remarry and have more kids, I would be trying to treat all of my children equally.  If you want what you said, you should go ahead and take care of it with your will while you are alive.[/quote]

But your NEW kids would have a dad that can support they financially. Your first set of kids would not.
So, what if you shared your money and your NEW husband outlived you and left they money to the NEW kids only, his kids.[/quote]
Maybe they have a dad who can support them, maybe not.  I'm not worried about him cutting out our kids.  I guess I feel the same way as some pp's upstream in that I trust him to make good decisions about it.  Also, i know that people feel it's rare to have a good stepparent, but I don't feel that way.  I've seen a lot of step situations where no one was perfect, but it was clear that everyone was trying their best and it worked out well enough.  I think it's rare that a parent would cut his first kids out entirely in favor of new kids.  I'm sure it happens - people will chime in - but I don't think that's the norm.[/quote]

You know, I woukd never had thought that of my own father, but he remarried very quickly after mom died and ended up cutting out his kids, haof of them entirely, due to his new wife.

It wasn't about money either. He did not attend my sister's wedding beyond the actual ceremony which ye had to sneak to and left during pictures. He stood her up for the reception.

New wife has a daughter the same age as my sister, with two kids, one the age of my youngest and one the age of my sister's kid. My father and his wife fly across tye country to spend a month each year with her daughter and grand daughter. My family lived a within a couple hours drive from her for two years. Both times they came out to spend a month with her kid and grandkids, he never mentioned the trip to us and never made an effort to contact us. My kids would have been over the moon to see him, even for an afternoon. My oldest remembers what and amazing grandpa he was before grandma died, and had a very hard time understanding why pawpaw dumped him as soon as second wife came into the picture. All the older grandkids feel this way, although it has gone on for a decade so this is their normal. The younger grandkids just know him as a picture and maybe a ohone call a couple of years. My sister's preschooler is the same age as her daughter's youngest that he spends months with. He has seen my niece three times in her three years of life, in spite of multiple invitations to get together and in spite of her living 10 miles from him.

Our family was the kind of family that got togetyer multiple times per week and that everyone envies. Everyone who knows us cannot believe how fragmented we now are and how our father dumped us after this woman came into his life.  We are all shocked too.

But talking to other people, men and women, who have lost their mothers, this beuavior is very common.

You might think your husband will look after your children well and treat all of the children in the future marriage equally, but odds are very, very strong he will not.[/quote]

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