Reply to If you are married or in a long-term partnership and you die

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Having gone through it with my father wife hunting and proposing to multiple women online in the weeks after my mom died, I would say ideally wait until the kids have healed and are adjusting well to life without mom.

At a minumum I would say not until the gravestone marker has been placed and the kids have had time to visit and grieve that.  Gravestones go on about one year after the burial so that makes it 1+ years absolute minimum.

The kids needs to grieve the loss of mom through all holidays, Christmas and birthdays especially. If they can have the first Christmas to grieve and tue second Christmas to realize life goes on, that would be especially helpful.[/quote]

I would also say widowed dads need to establish legal protection to guarantee any assets that were part of mom's estate, especially family heirlooms, family property, family money, or family farms, and also property owned by the original marriage before the spouse's death, are completely protected to be passed on to her children and will not under any circumstances go to future wives, future children, or especially children/grandchildren that new wives bring to the relationship that are not related to you.  This shoukd be established before you start dating. If you are not ready to do this then you are not ready to start dating.[/quote] I'm a current first wife and I don't feel this way.  If I died and left a lot of money, my husband remarries and has more children, I would expect him to treat all of his children the same.  I know if he dies, I remarry and have more kids, I would be trying to treat all of my children equally.  If you want what you said, you should go ahead and take care of it with your will while you are alive.[/quote]

But your NEW kids would have a dad that can support they financially. Your first set of kids would not.
So, what if you shared your money and your NEW husband outlived you and left they money to the NEW kids only, his kids.[/quote]
Maybe they have a dad who can support them, maybe not.  I'm not worried about him cutting out our kids.  I guess I feel the same way as some pp's upstream in that I trust him to make good decisions about it.  Also, i know that people feel it's rare to have a good stepparent, but I don't feel that way.  I've seen a lot of step situations where no one was perfect, but it was clear that everyone was trying their best and it worked out well enough.  I think it's rare that a parent would cut his first kids out entirely in favor of new kids.  I'm sure it happens - people will chime in - but I don't think that's the norm.[/quote]

They obviously have a dad, the guy you would be married to.  I see it in this forum all the time, dad leaves everything to second wife, first set of kids get nothing.[/quote]

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