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[quote=Anonymous]OP you sound a lot like me and the thoughts in my head (even down to only talking to DH and my sister about it!), but here's what I know about myself. My body and my weight (not huge but definitely a little chubby and always fought that my whole life) are real, deep sources of pain and insecurity for me. But the only thing that would make that pain and shame worse would be other people knowing about that insecurity. Even my closest friends would have no idea what I can put myself through mentally if I let it spiral down (DH either). So could that be something that you are reacting to? It compounds the insecurity when other people know you are insecury about it?

I am trying really hard in my 30s, now post partum with 20 lbs to lose to get into any of my clothes from my somewhat fitter days, to take that element out. I sort of force myself to even mention to friends when it comes up that I am working to get back in shape. And I put it that way, "I need to get back in shape, I feel unhealthy, I want to wear different clothes, I need energy to keep up with my boys" Of COURSE I want to be thinner because I feel sad in this mirror but I don't put that out there. I feel like the more I actually focus on the other stuff its not so much about the shame, its just matter of fact, I'm trying to get in shape not "I'm trying to not be ugly, worthless, etc"[/quote]

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