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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op again or leaving him or - and J won't do this - but I have a lot of suicidal thoughts when things get this bad. I won't act on them, I push them away, but they are there. He was away on business travel recently and things were much more enjoyable. I realized I got up, got the kids off to Their activities, did my work...but when he's back it's like I can't even get out of bed. The contrast just really struck me today.[/quote]

[quote][b]If someone causes you to have sucidal thoughts[/b],[/quote], why don't you leave? Why stay? Why are you afraid of leaving? Why do you feel trapped? You are not a prisoner. You live in a free country. You are an able body....you can work and be financially independent. How old are you? Have you ever had a job? Do you have a college degree? Have you ever lived on your own? Are you able to work even if it means taking a low paying job and downgrade your lifestyle. Fear will make you tolerate crap in your life, you shouldn't allow it. If you suffer from codependency you have to break free from that mindset. You don't need him to survive. All you need is a strong work ethic, strong will and a willingness to adapt and you can just about do anything. If your options are, stay with the man and have occasional suicidal thoughts or be single on not have to deal with him then why no leave for your peace of mind? [/quote]

OP again. Finally done cleaning! 
I appreciate what you are saying, pp, but honestly, no one can force anyone else to feel a certain way[/quote]

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