Reply to This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax

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[quote=Anonymous]Op doesn't say the money was designated for her daughter, but that apparently this is what the first wife wanted to happen with the proceeds. Is DH just telling OP this now?  Did OPhVe any reason to think this money was for stepdaughters schooling?  I'm guessing the dad is actually the beneficiary on the policy  and he is now saying what his first wife wanted.

I actually have mixed feelings about this.  Yes, stepparents are aware pulling into marriage that they will be responsible for helping and raising children.   That said, being a stepparent is a lot of work. With very little thanks often.  Any parent reading mess with that knowledge that children can be a pain in the ass, and racing them can be really, really hard. And if they are your own.  Stepparents have kids living in their home over home they do not have equal parental rights, nor do they experience the same love and affection generally.  Still, most stepparent spend a lot of time and energy on their stepchildren.  Driving places, hosting events, monitoring homework, and simply living their lives with children under there.  This is work, plain and simple.

I actually think it would be selfish for me to try to acquire that my husband or any future spouse of his use money in a particular way after I die.  This is especially true if there is the possibility of additional children joining my husbands family after my death.  Heck, if my sister were to gain custody of our children if both my husband and I die,  we have already provided in our estate planning for her children to receive payments that would allow them to have the same standard of living that ours have enjoyed through at these undergraduate years.  And I have provided to pay my sister a stipend for every year that she has either of our children living with her.  Because I understand that, even  someone agrees to do it, raising kids is time and work.

In my view, everyone behaved badly.  The bio mom should not have restricted funds.  The dad should have told his wife earlier about his. Jew of the use of the funds, and second wife should not have raised it s kids directly.

Basically, I think everyone behaved pretty badly. The biological mother should not have restricted her husband's use of funds after her death, not knowing what his upcoming family obligations and family structure it would be.  The husband, if he wasn't clear earlier, [/quote]

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