Reply to Any questions for someone who went through 12 years at a DC private school?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I assume you are a non-minority. If I am correct, do you have an opinion or sense for whether your experiences were not the same as students of color at your Big 3? I am a minority parent with a DC at a Big 3 now (on financial
aid) and I keep asking myself if what you have described would not be the same experience my DC would have because our family experience is drastically different in so many other ways to begin with. I too am a government lawyer. However, I went to public school and found myself very unprepared for my top 20 college. I eventually got the hang of it and went on to do well enough to go to a top 20 law school but the experience of being so under prepared for college is the reason I am not considering public school for my DC (especially since I do not live in an area with excellent public schools or charter school options).[/quote]

Hi, OP here! You're right, I am white (I'm also Jewish, but I don't count that as a minority at my DC private school). However, the only 3 friends from high school with whom I'm still friends (the three who were invited to my wedding) are black. Out of those three, one is EXCEPTIONALLY gifted. Genuinely one of the smartest people I have ever met. She went to an Ivy League school. Another is extremely intelligent and also went Ivy, but isn't quite as naturally gifted. The third went to a private college that isn't super elite, but is probably the one with the most professional success. All 3 were on various levels of financial aid.

If you ask my "exceptionally gifted" friend, she would say her high school experience was amazing. She has literally no complaints and is very active in the alumni association. She is currently doing okay pretty well professionally, but is a bit frustrated with her work. If you ask my other friend who went to an Ivy, she would describe an experience most like mine. She felt a bit out of place, and like many teachers didn't really care about her future. She is pretty frustrated professionally, bough that is likely because she isn't sure about what she wants to do. If you ask the non-Ivy friend, she's somewhere in the middle. I think she seriously values the education, but felt a bit out of place being much less wealthy than everyone else. She went to an expensive (but not super elite) private college  where I think these feelings continued. However, she has an amazing job helping special needs kids. She is the most professionally focused and has won several awards in her profession. [/quote]

Thanks for your very candid response! I'm struggling with balancing putting my DC is an environment where she doesn't feel like she fits with putting her in an environment I don't trust to prepare her to succeed in college. If I were to move into an area with better public schools I suspect she would still experience not fitting in, as those schools tend to be in the wealthier areas anyway. [b]For minorities it's like a catch 22 all around[/b]. How sad.[/quote]

I think as a parent you have to help her change her perspective.  I know it's harder said than done, especially in teenage years.  You need to help her see the opportunities she has, not what she is lacking, especially materially.  She only needs to compete academically.   I am an immigrant to this country.  We lost all our "wealth and land" because of war and revolution.  My mother was a maid and put all her savings into providing me with a good education.  I never felt like I fit in and now that I look back on it I see that it was a wall that I built around myself and I missed out on friendships because I wasn't open to them.  I wasn't comfortable with myself (unfortunately that applies to most teenagers).  I look at some of my high school classmates and they've turned into wonderful, accomplished adults.  The funny thing is I thought they were all "RICH" kids when they were in fact only middle class.

Some of what I see on these boards are a certain level of envy of the haves and have mores.  The people who are critical of private schools because they don't want their kids to be with children who are "entitled" or are not comfortable with the social atmosphere.  Remember that how your child views school and their status comes from you.  For the parents who do not live in "10" school districts remember you live in America, which is still considered the land of opportunity by most of the world.

The other thing I would say is that you can use your discomfort to your advantage.  Everyone goes through a period of not fitting in, whether you're in a rich environment or a poor environment.  I would rather have my kids be in an environment where they are challenged.   My kids are at a Big 3 and I remind them that is a privilege they must make the most of.  I want them to have the best education every step of the way but I am not under the illusion going to a Big 3 or an Ivy means you will have a better life.  I went to an Ivy and the most successful friend I have never even went to college.  I also have Ivy friends who are not doing well and others who have done extremely well.

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Thanks, and I agree with you 100%. My DC is only in K so we haven't encountered the issues of not feeling like she fits in yet. I hope starting so early that maybe she won't feel that way. We have chosen to give her what we believe what will best prepare her over what might feel more comfortable. I keep telling myself, if and when, we have to have the conversation about he not being as wealthy as others my response will be that we are giving her the opportunity to become a "have" (if that's who she wants to be) by providing her a great education. I hope to show her that there are levels of wealth and that we are far from poor. The hard part is reading this board of snobs who would hope to convince me I shouldn't be willing to accept FA so that my child can benefit from the resources of a private school and praying my DC doesn't have to contend with this foolishness at school. [/quote]
OMG!  Kindergarten.  Get a grip.

[/quote]

+1 lol, I thought the kid is at least in middle school with all this catch 22 talk. [/quote]

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