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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I need help.  We're planning to marry by the end of the year.  We have 2 small kids, 9 and 3, both are only children.  At first, it was great.  We introduced the kids, the 9  year old went into big brother mode, & the little one loved following the 9 year old around.

Welllll....each visit now, there's a fight.  We don't live together yet, so the kids only see each other every other weekend.   The 9 yr old is completely annoyed by the 3 yr old, & now the 3 year old doesn't like the 9 yr old because "he's mean".  We actually caught the 9yr old pushing the little one off the sofa, because he wouldn't leave him alone.  They only get along in very SHORT spans.

WHAT DO WE DO?? How do we fix this?  Do we move in together before marriage so they can get used to each other?  How do we make them like each other?  Is this normal sibling stuff?

Please help! :cry: [/quote]

Some of it seems pretty typical for interactions between those two age groups...siblings, cousins, or family friends. You can't make them like each other, but you can work to make them understand each other. You need to talk to the 9 year old and help him understand that the 3 year old looks up to him and wants to be with him, but that younger kids don't understand boundaries. Ask him to be tolerant and help teach the little one about boundaries . (I've found big kid/little kid discussions to be helpful with cousin interactions in the family at large gatherings.) Make sure the 9 year old has plenty of independent time, don't try to spend every waking moment reveling in togetherness...he needs a break. IF you don't make sure he gets one, he'll do it and you've seen that that doesn't exactly end well. The three year old needs to have boundaries set and guarded by both of you - gently and preferably with some sort of distraction associated. It will take some time - six years is a pretty big age difference, but the little one is nearing an age where he can be reasoned with. Until then, ask the older boy what things he could do with the younger one, or with the family together and do those things...and ask him what he'd like to do on his own, and do that, too. 
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