Reply to Two Parents WOH Full-Time No Local Famiily -- Show of hands

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Two WOH parents here with no local family and that's the case with most of the families we know in Arlington.

I did SAH until our two kids were in K & 2nd.  Now DH and I earn about the same (combined $250K), we each WAH once a week all the time although DH's job is shifting so he won't be able to do that anymore.  I can also WAH whenever I need to if school is closed and can flex hours as needed.  Generally, I'm in the office around 7:30 and leave by 4:30 to pick up kids at 5pm.  DH handles the mornings and then gets home later.  We both have about a 30 min commute.  At least one parent with some flexibility plus short commutes are key.

We limit afterschool activities to things that work with our schedule (no travel sports), take advantage of at-school extracurriculars as much as possible, rec sports that only have 1-night/week commitments.  Cleaner every 2 weeks.  DH does the grocery shopping while I cook dinners.  Kids have their cleaning chores too.  Helps that the house isn't very large.  Minimize clutter so there is less to keep clean.  Minimize errands by using Amazon a lot.

If a crisis comes up we have good friends we can rely on to pick up and watch kids if needed.  It would be nice to have my parents here but I don't feel like we need more help.  They live near my sister in CA and she really does need them -- because of inconsistent work hours, a few years spent getting a master's degree which would have been practically impossible without her help, unreliable DH who is now an ex-DH, and doesn't have the network of friend support that we have (although maybe I wouldn't have built that up if I had family here).[/quote]

Our kids are still preschool age ,  just one is an elementary. Maybe we just wait till the age up? Is that the  lesson here?[/quote]

I think it depends a lot on how you set up your life.  Just see the other thread about SAH w/ older kids.  In some ways the work/daycare balance can be easier than work/elementary+ school because you don't have to deal with the school breaks and random days off and some families choose to have their kids in time-intensive extracurriculars.  But it can be easier with older kids because they can contribute more - or just stay out of your way while you cook dinner! --  and they also can stay up later so it's not the same time crunch.  I never dealt with the daycare round because I was SAH when the kids were little but I don't find WOH with ES and MS kids that difficult.  BUT I have flexibility to WAH when they are off school and they don't do heavy-time-commitment after school activities.  Figuring out summer camps is probably the most stressful aspect of WOH for me.  [/quote]

Unfortunately we have WOH with both ES and daycare age kids, and they both do after school activities 4/5 nights (not every kid, but one of 2, 2 each). With church on Sunday and sport game weekends, definitely not much time.  I can see with older ES and MS kids you can expect unsupervised chores, but when a 4 year old sweeps on their own, it kind of makes more work. Older ES can do some chores, but pulling teeth b/c a) has been in school and after care 7-430 so kind of burned out and b) friction b/c they complain that younger kid gets free ride chore wise.

Looked at dropping activiites, but we have health issues because of sedentary youth and want to instill healthier active habits young -- daily exercise which is not happening at aftercare (mostly b/c of hordes of boys claiming the outdoor space as their domain!).

Carpooling with other parents would be great but none are that interested b/c they all are part time or SAH so never need it, and I can never pickup before they do so even when I offer I can't execute.

So we can't WAH, and cant part time -- so those in similar straits as us that feel on top of things, can you give some tips? How do you inspire young kids to clean up? How to save the weekend!!! :)[/quote]

Hi OP.  I have read this whole thread so far, and you seem to be making excuses why your life is so hard.  Stop doing that.  Find creative solutions.

First, Get the housecleaner back.  You say that the big problem isn't the cleaning but rather the "clutter".  Well, cleaning is something you have to do, regardless.  So get rid of it.

Minimize errands: use Peapod or whatever grocery delivery service you choose.  Lots of Amazon Prime.  Use a drycleaner that drops off and picks up (Crest Cleaners does this for us).  Do mail order prescriptions if you can so that you dont even have to go to CVS.

Dinners:  You dont need to cook from scratch every night.  You can have sandwiches for dinner a few nights/week.  You can go out to dinner or do takeout once/week.  Then, the nights you are cooking a full meal, make it easy.  Get a crockpot and make easy crockpot meals.  Get frozen meals that are already prepared that you just have to heat up (we just tried everspoon and its not bad).  Buy prepared meals from the grocery store.  Make a batch of freezer meals once/month and make those.

Re: chores, a 4 year old can't mop the floor, but they can put their toys away, their backpacks away, their shoes where they belong, their dishes in the sink, their dirty clothes in a hamper, etc.  My 3 year old does this because it has been expected of him his whole short 3 year old life.  Granted putting the toys away requires supervision because it ends up in his finding new toys he wants to play with and then playing with them vs "clean up time", but the other things are just expectations.  If your youngest is in daycare, they know what "clean up time" is because they do it everyday at school.  THey put things away at school because their teachers expect them to--why dont you?  Anyway, if you minimize the clutter as you move throughout your day, you won't have as many chores to deal with. The housecleaner will do the actual cleaning, you just need to put your stuff away.

Clutter: If your clutter is really a problem, you need to reorganize your house. Reorganize how you store clothes/books/shoes/toys/games/etc.  Try a service called Clutterbusters. Buy storage tubs, etc. Everything needs a home and your whole family (you and DH both, not just the kids) need to be in the habit of putting things into their home when you are finished with them.

Re: activities, why do they both have to do 2 activities? Why can't they each do 1?  You are making your own life hectic by having them in 2 activities each.  ESPECIALLY the preschooler.

Re: exercise--why do they have to have planned group exercise/activities to get exercise in? Why cant you just exercise as a family in the evenings?  Go for walks, go to the park/playground, etc.?  You are setting a good example as parents this way and getting your own exercise.

Re: help after school for the school aged kid--I recommend looking into a college student helping you for a few hours in the afternoons.  I actually did this when I was in college as a job--I would go to the family's home, let myself in.  There would be something for me to make for dinner and I would basically be there when the kids got off of the bus, give them snack, get their homework done, then drive them around town, then make dinner. Their parents would come home while they were eating.  This would mean that your oldest spent less time in aftercare, so they are less wiped out.  You could even go into work later if you have someone at home after school, so you dont need to drop them off at 7am.  You could get them to school in the AM and then go into the office.   You could find someone on Care.com or SitterCity.com, or you could use a service such as College Tutors and Nannies (or maybe it is College Nannies and Tutors).[/quote]

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