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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Concerned about dh being a father"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Dafuq did I just read? I was really concerned about OP, and then I swapped the genders in her post and was concerned with humanity as a whole. How many women do this same crap to their daughters? Shoes, makeup, princess stuff... like that's all "girls" can communicate about. OP, there are as many ways to "be a man" as there are men on the planet. Not all men enjoy sports, and they're certainly not the secret male-bonding handshake you seem to assume them to be. Similarly, liking sports, camping, and having a penis aren't guarantees against "wimpiness" (whatever that may mean to you), nor is being "wimpy" (or perhaps more accurately "sensitive") some kind of social curse in any but a toxically hyper-masculine culture that doesn't allow boys/men to be actual people with feelings. Like several PPs, I'm concerned about you being a mother. And a wife. And a human.[/quote] That is unfair. I express concern because my dh, himself, has expressed resentment and regret over not being socialized like other boys by his parents. He had tough time as a kid, being bullied in middle and high school for being "wimpy." He found his footing in college and has grown into a wonderful young adult. We both do NOT want our boy to have to go through that. I also babysit a lot, and I've noticed in our neighborhood that the boys who do well have fathers who are involved in boy-activities. This popular kid in our neighborhood, his father coaches their baseball team and he and his little friends think they're awesomesauce. This other boy, who is a video game nerd like his dad, is bullied and isolated. Its painful to watch. [/quote] So the good news is that your DH a knowledges he missed something in his childhood. Now if he has boys and also girls he can step up and figure out how to be the kind of dad he wanted to have. He can learn about camping and sports and tech his kids at the same time. He just had to put forth effort and without you telling him how to be a dad or a guy. If he is as sweet and smart as you say he is he will work it out his own way. When you guys get pregnant he can make a list of all the stuff he wants to do with the kid and the kinds of experiences he longed for as a child and get working on the list. My DH is a total guy, marine, sports nut, hates pink and girly/frilly things. Guess what, we had a girl. And he is smart enough to get that he's going to do some things that he likes with her (camping, swimming, sports) but he also will learn to like things she likes. So if she wants to play tea party and princesses he'll be a prince and pour the tea and wear a tiara. [/quote]
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