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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  We have him on a points system where he can earn rewards.  Just last night we took him to a store to buy some craft thing that he wanted and had earned with his points.  That's what is so frustrating.  Today we take him somewhere and he's pissed because we won't buy him what he wants.  Well we just bought him something yesterday.  He is never satisfied and totally disregards what we just did for him.  The points system can be so frustrating because he can be a total jerk but doesn't lose points that he has earned because that's what his therapist tells us.  So frustrating because as parents we give him our all and get little in return.  I know parents shouldn't expect much, but it's very lopsided in this case and often makes us feel defeated.[/quote]

OP- I'm the pp who concurred with the strategy of using pocket money. We have discovered with my DS that we can only change things, one little bit at a time. This is probably where your therapist is coming from- a reward to change some aspect of your DS's behavior. We have a similar reward system in our house around speaking respectfully and earning screen time. I've found that taking points away is counterproductive because the reward system becomes a punishment system and for my DS, highly ineffective and negative.

I think you have to decide what behavior is your priority-- is it the behavior that allows your DS to earn points or is it his behavior in stores? If it's the behavior for the point system, you will need to grit your teeth and stick with it. If you need to abandon that system for your DS's behavior in stores- I think pocket money would eventually be highly effective (very logical and the independence might appeal to a child with ODD).

I get where you're coming from- it is very hard to parent a child who cannot be disciplined in typical ways. There are a lot of things that get me down- it's mainly because I worry about the future when I see how immature and impaired my DS is and wonder how that will play out as he ages. [/quote]

+1.  I worry about that too with my DS.  So hard to get through each week, let alone think about what the future may hold.[/quote]

pp here- I recently read that middle school is the hardest to parent- it's like a second toddlerhood/preschool-- all the need for independence and judgement/capability lagging significantly behind. A child with ODD going through puberty is going to be this equation by an order of magnitude. Things will improve because, in part, this behavior is developmental and hormone driven. Of course tantrums in public are not typical for this age- but in spite of the perfect parent/perfect kid fairytale that we often hear about ;) it's pretty normal for kids to test limits of respect and authority around this time- with the added component of social/behavioral disabilities, it's just so much more dramatic and frustrating. The immaturity will seem extreme until things level out a bit- hang in there. [/quote]

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