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Reply to "My MS DS explodes when we say "No""

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[quote=Anonymous]I'm just going to throw ideas out there of things that helped for my son who has ADHD and ODD.  In general, I keep reminding myself how he is such a concrete and literal thinker.  Everything is very black & white for him and he is very inflexible.  So unexpected situations that most people can go with may send him into tears or a tantrum (like .. X restaurant has a line out the door, lets go to Y instead ... tears).

At the same time, he really blossoms when he feels more in control.  When he's not being oppositional, he's very sweet and sensitive and giving him as much control as is feasible brings that out.

- While this behavior is a problem, do not EVER buy goodies for anyone on the shopping trip.  Even if you set it up beforehand, later on he won't remember that you talked about it beforehand, just that you did it.  Remember occasional rewards are the most reinforcing of behavior.
- Give money awards for good behavior and let him buy his own treats if he has the money -- do not "spot" money and do not veto selections.
- Religiously follow a set bedtime schedule, even on weekends.  Lack of sleep on top of broken routines = disaster waiting to happen.
- If behavior has improved and you want to introduce a treat, make it a set, once a week, thing.  DS responds well to structure, routine, and rules so if treats follow rules, it puts it in a different "box" in his mind.  Then you can also say, "Well, FroYo is a Sunday thing.  It'll be Sunday in three more days.  What flavor were you thinking of getting on Sunday when we go?"

In general if we're having a problem with a particular situation, it helps us to sit down when we're all cool and calm and set ground rules.  I keep ground rules specific to the situation and small in number.  For an older kid you could even write down the rules and get signatures.  For example, when DS was a bit younger we set ground rules for restaurant behavior.  We had three rules that we all agreed upon and any time we had a rules violation I could remind him of "restaurant rules".  It took a few months of going to places like IHOP or Denny's pretty regularly and being on top of following the rules, but it pretty much stopped being a problem after that.

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