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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Do you regret getting married?"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My BF and I have been discussing marriage. We've been together 1.5 years, and known each other almost 2 years. We met online but we really clicked and everything has always been pretty agreeable until now. We're looking at buying a home together, but what he wants and what I want are totally different things. He wants more of a country lifestyle, moving far away to a place like Frederick whereas I grew up in MoCo and would love to raise children to be in a diverse community and have similar experiences to my own. He would be able to work remotely and still earn a DC based salary, but I would have to find a new job and probably a significant commute with a cut in salary. The catch though is I have student loans that I'm afraid will cripple our mortgage interest rate so the idea is to just have his name on the deed. Is this a stupid move? Am I shooting myself in the foot by not being a part of the deed? I would still be contributing financially to the mortgage and family expenses, but he makes about 2 times as much as I do, currently, and may be even more than that if we make this home purchase and move to Frederick. To some degree it feels like if things doesn't pan out for us, I could be at a severe loss. I already feel like I'm compromising a lot of things to make this relationship work like giving up the ability to be close in to family and friends so I feel like I'm losing a huge support network which to him (an introvert) matters less. I also don't get to stay at my job or work remotely which he can do and I'm afraid there could be resentment down the road from me toward him which wouldn't be healthy for a new marriage. I don't really know what's the right step to take next. Has anyone regretted getting married, but stayed in the marriage? [/quote] I wouldn't go for any of this. He sounds very self absorbed and not at all connected to you. A house in Frederick with your name not on the deed? No, do not pay anything towards any of that. Why is he even talking about buying a house before you are married if he wants to marry you? I'd just continue on with my life - do not move in with him or give him any money. If he changed course and wants to make a life with you (not just for himself) then do that if you still want to. I'd be really unimpressed by all of this. Tell him to enjoy his house in Frederick and tell him you hope he visits you in your apartment in MoCo.[/quote]
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