Reply to Disappointed in DD, can I say anything to her?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wouldn't say anything about her behavior.  I would talk to her about what she's going through, express empathy, maybe do something special with her.  Emphasize that your proud of her regardless of her job search.  Help her feel better, she'll treat others better.  It's hard to celebrate someone else's success when you are going through a rough patch.  Yes, it's petty, but even adults have a hard time.  Praise any positive interactions you see between the two![/quote]

She is not a four year old. She is a young adult.

[b]You tell her to knock it off, she is being immature and rude and not acting like an adult, and that as a memeber of this family we support each other and celebrate and acknowledge each other's achievements.  You tell her she is not a 13 yeat old going through middle school and puberty so she needs to quit acting like one, and if she must be rude she needs to not say anything at all.[/b]
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+100[/quote]

This[/quote]
+1.  OP, don't worry so much about how your older DD will feel; worrying if she will get her back up, etc.  Because she may have learned that getting her back up will prevent you from challenging her.  
I don't like this idea that it's hard to feel good for someone else if your life is not going well.  I don't believe that is true; I think that some people see a zeor-sum situation when they should not.  Older DD should not be competing or comparing with younger sibling; their lives are different.  She should not have the luxury of feeling so sorry for herself that she feels entitled to take it out on younger sibling.  I love the "straighten up/fly right" advice, the advice above, and some other comments--basically the comments that tell you to straighten her out and defend the sibling--model your matriarch role, remind of the rules and the appropriate mindset.  Think mama cougar--nip your misbehaving cub and nudge her in line.  She'll be mad at you, but down deep, she wants it....she is looking for the boundary, as all kids are when with their parents.[/quote]

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