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[quote=Anonymous]I'm not a professional, so take this with a grain of salt, but to me, it sounds like your husband either has OCD or is abusive. I'd require therapy immediately.

My husband has opinions about things I don't think he should have opinions about and my response is that if you're going to be a jerk about it, you loose my audience. I can't control what opinions he has, and I'm not interested in telling him what to say and how to say it, but I control what I will endure each day and I won't stand there & listen to 30 minutes of rambling. I get up and walk away. Try it OP. It's very effective.

So in the examples you give, if my husband were harassing me about my clothing choice for the day, I'd say "okay, I understand this upsets you - I won't make you look at it" then get up with my clothes and walk away, change in another part of the house, and walk out the door immediately for the day. For the band-aid OCD thing your H has going, I'd say "okay, this will be your personal first aid kit and I won't touch it again. I'm going to keep my own stash of bandaids elsewhere." He's trying to control you with a power struggle - opt out of the power struggle and maintain, assert your own control over your own life. He is effectively opting out of a joint life with you and trying to force you to fit into his. You don't have to keep your belongings jointly with his - if he's a jerk about the bandaids or anything else, let him have his stash, and you keep yours. If he's a jerk about what you wear, or how you look, remove yourself and don't listen to him. If you have to, move your clothes to the guest room closet.

Ultimately this comes down to a choice: you can both create a safe & loving space where you both can be who you are together OR he can assert that this is his space and push you out. As more and more of your time and belongings are disentangled from his, he'll come to understand that this is the choice he faces. He's probably not mentally well enough to make an intentional choice here, so therapy is in order. If he refuses, then know that you're not the one who opted out.[/quote]

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